It's a girl thing to always compare ourselves to other girls and feel shitty. I think every girl does that but there's a big problem if it affects you, bad. Like it makes you depressed and leaves you hating yourself.
In the past, i woke up depressed everyday. I hated my face. I don't have the prettiest eyes, i don't have a small nose, my cheeks are too chubby....blahblah. I also hated my body. My legs are not long enough, my legs are too huge for a girl, my arms dont have a nice shape, my butt isn't round enough....blahblah. I really hated myself. I found it difficult to go out without make up. In fact, i had to have make up on almost 24/7. Except at home when i go to bed. To my friend's house, even if it's only gonna be my close friends there. To the coffee shop nearby, even if i'm only going down to get dinner. To my boyfriend's house, even if it's just a few bus stops away from my house. I felt a constant need to improve the way i looked and i was OBSESSED. I cried over the way i looked, i complaint to my friends and bf everyday. It was annoying and not to mention, scaring people away.
What made it worst was when Anonymous leave comments like "you are so ugly". IT JUST GETS TO ME. It affects me and makes me feel even worst about myself. Despite the 100 "you are so pretty" i get, just 1 person has to go "you are so ugly" to ruin my day. I still took pictures of myself, but it has to be edited no matter what. I never posted a picture with #nofilter before, lol. Occasionally, i played with the liquify tool to make my features look better. I hated taking pictures using other people's cameras because i don't get to edit the pictures myself. When i go out, i hardly talk to people. It's really not because i'm unfriendly and stuck up, like everyone thinks i am. I never look at people in the eye as I always felt "too ugly" to face people in real life. I will look away when people looked at my face unclose and try to avoid having conversations with people cus they would look at my face when i talk. I always regret not talking to people the moment i walk away from them, but i just couldn't do it. Everytime i walk away, my mind would be like "man, i should've asked her about blahblah". I believe i've missed many great people when i was going through that phase. I was such a quiet girl, i wouldn't be surprised if people thought i was Mute. I hated crowds, i hated people being near me. I always stand at a corner showing the side i think i look better in, lol?! If i stand in the middle of a crowd, i will be surrounded with people and people will see me at all different weird angles - most angles i look bad in. Most of the time i look down when i walk, not wanting people to recognize me not because i'm some celebrity but because i know i don't look as good as in pictures. It's quite sad to think i was like that but i believe i'm not the only one and i hope this story will help girls out there who are going through the same thing.
I talked to counselors and slowly, slowly, i started to get better. It also helps that my loved ones around me remind me that i look fine and they will still love me no matter how i look.
Here are some tips on Building Self-Confidence...
I still do this from time to time and it really does help to know which part of yourself you're unhappy about. Don't go like "I HATE EVERYTHING". Sit down, write down but you REALLY hate. There's a solution to most issues and in time, it will get fixed. Say if you hate your nose the most, you can always go get a nose job which will make you feel a lot better.
2. Talk about it with friends and loved ones. Wear it on your sleeve. Each day you should chip away at it; wear it down. There's no quick fix. Get to the root of the problem; focus on it and understand that you need to resolve each issue before you can move on. Check if it's an old past emotion and if it is really still relevant or applicable in your life today. And that doesn't mean you have to get rid of whatever makes you feel bad (many times, you simply can't). You need to learn to accept yourself, your past, your circumstances as they are, without necessarily thinking of them as "bad".
I am thankful for everyone for listening to me complain and never leaving my side. I'm sure it has annoyed many though. Lol.
3. Bounce back from your mistakes. Remember that no one is perfect. Even the most confident people have insecurities. At some point in any of our lives, we may feel we lack something. That is reality. Learn that life is full of bumps down the road. And that often these insecure feelings come and go, depending on where we are, who we are with, the mood we're in, how we are feeling. In other words, they are not constant.
4. Identify your successes. Everyone is good at something, so discover the things at which you excel, then focus on your talents. Give yourself permission to take pride in them. Give yourself credit for your successes. Inferiority is a state of mind in which you've declared yourself a victim. Do not allow yourself to be victimized. Express yourself, whether it's through art, music, writing, etc. Find something you enjoy. Everyone is born with talents and strengths. You can develop and excel in yours. If it's difficult to name two or three things you have some ability in or just plain love to do, think about things others do that you would like to do too and take some lessons or join an enthusiasts club. When you're following your passion, not only will it have a therapeutic effect, but you'll feel unique and accomplished, all of which can help build your self confidence. Plus, adding a variety of interests to your life will not only make you more confident, but it will increase your chances of meeting compatible friends!
For me, it was building Ohsofickle. From a small little business selling second hand clothing to what it is today!
5. Be thankful for what you have. A lot of the times, at the root of insecurity and lack of confidence is a feeling of not having enough of something, whether it's emotional validation, good luck, money, etc. By acknowledging and appreciating what you do have, you can combat the feeling of being incomplete and unsatisfied. Finding that inner peace will do wonders for your confidence.
For me, i'm thankful for my boyfriend, my friends, my dogs....they make me so happy and make my life so worth the living. There are so many parts of my face and body i hate and want to change but there are also features i'm thankful for so i think about the good part of my face and body more often instead of what i don't like.
6. Be Positive, even if you don't feel the same way. Avoid self-pity, or the pity and sympathy of others. Never allow others to make you feel inferior--they can only do so if you let them. If you continue to loathe and belittle yourself, others are going to do and believe likewise. Instead, speak positively about yourself, about your future, and about your progress. Do not be afraid to project your strengths and qualities to others. By doing so, you reinforce those ideas in your mind and encourage your growth in a positive direction.
7. Accept compliments gracefully. Don't roll your eyes and say, "Yeah, right," or shrug it off. Take it to heart and respond positively ("Thank you" and a smile works well).
For me, i see myself saying "Thank You" when someone says something nice about me. Instead of "no lah! where got!".
8. Look in the mirror and smile. Studies surrounding what's called the "facial feedback theory" suggest that the expressions on your face can actually encourage your brain to register certain emotions. So by looking in the mirror and smiling every day, you might feel happier with yourself and more confident in the long run.
9. Fake it. Along the same lines of smiling to make yourself feel happy, acting confident might actually make you believe it. Pretend you're a completely confident version of you; go through the motions and see how you feel!
For me, i apply this almost everyday. Especially when i meet new people nowadays. Which explains why a lot of people see me as a very confident girl. And then slowly, i guess i really started being confident inside out.
10. Help others. When you know you're kind to the people around you, and are making a positive difference in other people's lives (even if it's just being kinder to the person who serves you coffee in the morning), you'll know that you are a positive force in the world--which will boost your self confidence.
Which i hope this post will do!
(source: x)
It took me a long time to get to where i am today but if i can do it, SO CAN YOU!
I dare say i'm A LOT better. Especially this year, i made SO MANY NEW FRIENDS! Having new friends gives me a lot of great opportunities too!
I still think about ways to improve myself but it's no longer Number 1 on my list. I have more important things to worry about! I still want to get surgery done (btw i'm going to have a post about a procedure i've done recently on my face!) but only when i've saved enough money! I am still not loving how i look 100% BUT i don't cry over it now. I have a post-it on my mirror "YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL" and i tell myself that everyday, when i wake up, before i sleep.
Do i have enough money for all the surgery i want to do now? Yes i do! But the money i have now, i am not willing to spend it all on my face. I have learnt to prioritize it and save it for more important stuff. There's always room for improvement, for me, for everyone. But don't get all obsessed and depressed over it. Even if i don't get those surgeries i plan to do, i will not cry, be depressed and hide in a hole. In the past, nothing was more important than the way i looked. If i had the same amount of money in my bank account back then, i am pretty sure 100% of it will go into surgery to make myself look prettier! But now i have accepted the fact that i am not the prettiest girl around and i no longer try to be or want to be that ideal image in my mind! Plus it's never going to happen until i love myself more. Some parts of myself, i have slowly learnt to accept and love. In the past, i hated EVERY PART OF ME. Unlike most girls who are afraid of getting surgery done to their face, i'm super open about it because for me, i know sometimes it's just very difficult to "force" yourself to love something about yourself you think is ugly so a surgery will help you love that feature more. It does work as a confidence booster to me. But of course, remember not to get obsessed and go overboard.
Some people worry obsessively about a minor defect and undergo multiple cosmetic surgeries, but are never satisfied. If that happens, it can get scary so for that not to happen, LOVE YOURSELF MORE. As you can see from this last paragraph, i'm still not 100% confident, LOL! BUT I'M PROUD OF THE IMPROVEMENT I'VE MADE OVER THE YEARS. Of course, i still aim to accept myself completely and love how i look 100% and not want ANY surgery done. But i really don't want to lie to ya'll and pretend i'm that girl cus i'm still not there yet. The most important lesson i learnt over the years is that LOOKS AREN'T EVERYTHING. So i do hope to remind ya'll of that. :)
STAY BEAUTIFUL AND LOVE YOURSELF.
It's fine to want to improve something about yourself but DON'T EVER HATE YOURSELF FOR NOT BEING PERFECT CUS NO ONE IS!
Do i have enough money for all the surgery i want to do now? Yes i do! But the money i have now, i am not willing to spend it all on my face. I have learnt to prioritize it and save it for more important stuff. There's always room for improvement, for me, for everyone. But don't get all obsessed and depressed over it. Even if i don't get those surgeries i plan to do, i will not cry, be depressed and hide in a hole. In the past, nothing was more important than the way i looked. If i had the same amount of money in my bank account back then, i am pretty sure 100% of it will go into surgery to make myself look prettier! But now i have accepted the fact that i am not the prettiest girl around and i no longer try to be or want to be that ideal image in my mind! Plus it's never going to happen until i love myself more. Some parts of myself, i have slowly learnt to accept and love. In the past, i hated EVERY PART OF ME. Unlike most girls who are afraid of getting surgery done to their face, i'm super open about it because for me, i know sometimes it's just very difficult to "force" yourself to love something about yourself you think is ugly so a surgery will help you love that feature more. It does work as a confidence booster to me. But of course, remember not to get obsessed and go overboard.
Some people worry obsessively about a minor defect and undergo multiple cosmetic surgeries, but are never satisfied. If that happens, it can get scary so for that not to happen, LOVE YOURSELF MORE. As you can see from this last paragraph, i'm still not 100% confident, LOL! BUT I'M PROUD OF THE IMPROVEMENT I'VE MADE OVER THE YEARS. Of course, i still aim to accept myself completely and love how i look 100% and not want ANY surgery done. But i really don't want to lie to ya'll and pretend i'm that girl cus i'm still not there yet. The most important lesson i learnt over the years is that LOOKS AREN'T EVERYTHING. So i do hope to remind ya'll of that. :)
STAY BEAUTIFUL AND LOVE YOURSELF.
It's fine to want to improve something about yourself but DON'T EVER HATE YOURSELF FOR NOT BEING PERFECT CUS NO ONE IS!