Getting Priorities Right

After being a mother, I am no longer active in the nightlife and because of that, I haven't seen a lot of friends. I've said it before, I used to party a lot not so I can meet guys and do shit but it's usually to spend time with my friends because in the day time most of us have to work. I don't know why but most of my friends just happen to be party people and it's kinda difficult to meet them on weekend afternoons Cus they'd be nursing a hangover.

However now that I no longer go out at night, most of my days are spent with my family since the birth of E and I haven't seen many friends for a long time. I do miss so many people and I miss the days I can go out without having anything to care about back at home. I do feel bad, like I'm neglecting everyone. And so many times I do feel left out as there are so many things nobody shares with me anymore. Some days I think about it and I honestly feel quite guilty for living in my own "world" and neglecting most people. But then it's a new life, with a new baby, and a new job...there's nothing I'm doing which is "wrong" so there's no need to feel guilty right? I guess we all have to grow up someday and many friendships can't stay the same anymore, even if we wished for it too, work and family commitments just won't allow it to stay the same. It's something so difficult to explain to people who don't have children. Now that work has sorta started, the free time I have off work, for myself is spent with baby E which leaves me even lesser time to meet up with friends. I guess I'll have to get used to this "outcasted" and "lonely" feeling I feel. 

YouTubers V.S Bloggers

**Oh and one thing, everytime you read my blog and see that the font changes halfway, it isn't done deliberately hor! Everytime I edit something from my phone, it'll happen. Damn weird one.

Been a huge fan of MANY YouTubers after so many years and have seen so many improve and grow so much over the years. It seems like for YouTubers, the more subscribers they have, the more motivated they are to work even harder. Some even create multiple channels. Oh and not forgetting that they also have to keep their social media accounts active. Many become better and better at what they're doin. Those at the top continue producing such amazing work one after another and hardly ever disappoint us subscribers.

Here are some YouTube accounts worth checking out and why I love them!

NigaHiga (14 Million Subscribers)

Look at his first video, and his latest video. Look at how much it has improved over the years. The amount of effort he puts in his work AMAZES ME. He has been doing this since and just keeps getting better and better as the years pass. Also, seen him do collaborations with many MANY YouTubers. Even with local SG YouTubers!

Here are some of his old videos and his new videos (from old to new), watch and be impressed at how much he has improved!

MichellePhan (7 Million Subscribers)

Known as the beauty guru of Youtube. You can tell her videos aren't as "personal" as before but she definitely improved the quality of her videos. Also, besides beauty stuff, she gives pretty great advices to her subscribers. She has been doing this since and till today, she is still pretty consistent.

Some of her old videos to new videos...

She even runs her own glambag business, Ipsy, a make up line em michelle phan and owns a really interesting blog!

How does she even manage everything.....?!?!

Zoella (8 Million Subscribers)

Even with so many subscribers, she still remains so lovable and down to earth (as seen from her blogs). I wouldn't believe it's all an act because she updates so frequently and it's so consistent. If it's all an act then she has to be one hella good actress alright. She also has a separate channel updated frequently for her vlogs, MoreZoella.

Zoella's old videos to new videos...

itsJudysLife (1 Million Subscribers)

She's a mother of 3 and still manages to post a new video almost every single day.

Oh and one of her most popular uploads is of her baby and another vlogger's baby...

This other baby is from the other vlogging family the SaconneJolys and if you look at both their videos, you'd realize it's pretty similar. In a way they are "competitors" but instead of not mentioning each other, they meet up and do a collaboration! Both of them post new videos daily of the lives of their families.

Bubzbeauty  (2 Million Subscribers)

I'm probably her biggest fan in Singapore and i am so happy to be able to go through my pregnancy together with her. (haha macham i know her) She has about 3-4 weeks ahead of me and so consistent in her postings. Definitely helped me prepare myself better for what's about to happen to me. She's also such a sweet girl and recently raised like Her main account is Bubzbeauty but i prefer her vlogs on Bubzvlogz la haha.

grav3yardgirl (4 million Subscribers)

She's really not your typical pretty girl. She's kinda loud and uhm...her actions are a bit too kua zhang haha. But definitely keeping it very real and not afraid to be ugly which is why many love her!

I like her because she does a series of videos called "Does this thing really work?" where she buys random stuff as seen on TV/Magazines and gives a real review of it. Most of the time she's not being paid to buy the stuff or promote it.

Lets not forget our local YouTubers...

Take RyanSylvia (NOC) (300k subscribers) for example...

Some really good videos they've produced...

Whether it's for fun or ads, they put in a lot of efforts into their videos and are always collaborating with other YouTubers.







I've watched how they feature and made other YouTubers for example CheokboardStudios grow so much!

ALL of my favourite YouTubers are also very active on Social Media! Which means they really keep all their platforms updated and as active as possible.

Ok i actually like a lot A LOT of YouTubers but i decided not to make this part of the post too long haha...

Let me compare the Local Blogging Scene and the Local YouTube Scene....from my own observation. For both scenes, we have to create content to entertain and update our subscribers/readers. Both are pretty similar but the latter requires more work. However, if you take a look at the Top YouTubers and the Top Bloggers, you'd realize YouTubers post more frequently. The amount of work a Blogger has to put into doing up a Blog Post will never be as tedious and tiring as filming and editing a good video. I can't say the same for doing up exposes because i've never done one before so maybe only posts like those take up more time and effort. However, even with that "little effort" most bloggers still don't even post blog posts up that consistently. Which makes me wonder, is it true Bloggers get complacent after they've reached a certain "level"? I mean so far, those popular websites that are consistent and continue to produce good posts daily are news websites like Buzzfeed, Mothership, MustShareNews etc and definitely more entertaining than following blogs which are mostly dead half the time. If you do a SimilarWeb search on those websites and on most of us bloggers, you'd be surprised at how little engagement bloggers get compared to those sites. But most of us Bloggers earn even more than the writers inside earn...hmm.... :/

I understand that news sites have a team of writers to contribute content and articles which is why their website is always updated with something new daily , whereas for blogging, there's only one person behind the website. Still, the amount of work we "bloggers" produce, cannot be compared to those writers. Those writers have written more articles than most of us top Bloggers man? AND....i think most of us Bloggers earn more than them. :X

How many of us Bloggers are actually known for producing good and useful contents? I think most of us can't even find something to stick to so we call ourselves "Lifestyle" bloggers so we can blog about every single thing and maybe take up every single job given to us out there. Which means we should have more content right since our blogs are more diversified? In my opinion, the only "can make it" blogs in Singapore are the Food Bloggers. Those are the bloggers who go all the way out to hunt for good food to share with their readers. It's really not easy traveling the whole of Singapore finding the best Brunch place but they do it for their readers, they work hard to get a good post out which will help us narrow down the best place for Brunch. Food Blogging is something most of us Lifestyle bloggers can cover too because well, lifestyle blogging means everything happening in our lives right? But how many of us can produce a post as well as food bloggers?

. So, for me, i am categorized as a "Lifestyle blogger", i am supposed to blog about my daily life...or the things happening in my life. I can blog about so many things, some life hacks, food to eat, beauty secrets...etc! But many of us Lifestyle bloggers hardly bother to update our blogs... how many of us still do with Instagram around? We think posting pictures on Instagram is enough. Most of us bloggers who have reached a certain level can't be bothered to brain storm and think of good stuff to blog about. That certain level I am referring to is when we are given "paid jobs". That is the day most of us get motivated by money. Most Bloggers, unlike YouTubers, don't have that "drive" to keep our followers entertained. We don't even feel that "guilt" they feel when they don't post a new video in time. Do we really think we deserve the money we're earning? Surely, we can learn a thing or 2 from the YouTubers around and be better Bloggers. Look at YouTubers, they promise us things like "hey guys, new video every Wednesday!", how many Bloggers can do that? How many bloggers even blog on a weekly basis now? BESIDES THE PAID JOBS. I've seen potential in a few "small" blogs which are written as a hobby by some people that are SO MUCH better than blogs owned by popular local bloggers but i really wonder if they will still continue producing good content once they have grown to a certain level.

Hey look at those YouTubers, they do ALL of what we bloggers do, so much more. Yet, they still continue to produce good videos every week.

Could blogging be dying....?

Also, i don't know much about the YouTube scene and if this observation is accurate or not but YouTubers are willing to help each other grow. Unlike the local Blogging scene, if you are not from the same company, or not in a certain clique, you will never be seen in a picture together.. It is like Bloggers just hate seeing other Bloggers grow. Many just want to bring other people down. Something you don't really see in the YouTube scene. Even on their social media platforms. There's hardly a collaboration between bloggers of "different levels". Actually, then again, i've always been one who was willing to work with small bloggers whether or not people tell me so and so is only my friend to be popular, I never really cared. But only recently, some of those "small bloggers" have grown to be on the same level as me (and many surpassed me in fact) and ha, the way they look at me now is like as if i'm lousier than them and am a nobody. Uhm...when you were "down there" i never looked down or you nor saw you as a nobody so now that you are up there you shouldn't too? So yeah, even if you collaborate and make a certain someone "get noticed" in the local blogosphere, the person won't even help you when you're "not as popular" in future. Kinda sucks...

I admire the YouTube scene so much because i've seen people with 100k Subscribers work and promote other YouTubers who only started with like 1k Subscribers. They let each other star in each others videos...and then also mention them in the description box. When those 1k Subs YouTubers grow to like 50k subs, they too start working with smaller YouTubers and helping other people grow. It's like happening in every single YouTube community all over the world...Singapore, Malaysia, Australia, Hong Kong, Europe, America...Everywhere, they just seem to like helping one another. Look at it this way, YouTubers all come from "different" companies also right? So how come they can work together and how come bloggers can't and are not willing to? How come they can star in each others videos and make friends with each other so easily? Why are so many of them so helpful and willing to help each other get noticed? Unlike the Blogging scene, bloggers feel threatened people are going to "overtake" you. I always feel that if it happens, it happens...it just means you don't produce good enough content which is why you're overtaken. In the local blogging scene, you can see many "clique of bloggers". It's always the same ol' people on each others blogs. You will hardly ever see different cliques coming together working on something together...unless it's a company thing. Never really a collaboration or whatsoever. The only time someone mentions someone else is when the person is more influential. Nobody ever promotes someone "smaller" (unless they have been friends for a long time).

AND...last but not least, why are most YouTubers way friendlier and more down to earth than most Bloggers and don't give off that "i'm a big shot" feel even with such great number of followers? I just think they are so much easier to like! Why do bloggers always have that holier-than-thou attitude...? With this attitude the industry becomes very uncomfortable to be in...and so fake. Everyone is out to kill you. Especially if you are from a rival company.

Writing this post is actually really inspiring ...for me lah. Like suddenly i really feel like i want to work hard on blogging...but then i remember i'm gonna have to take it easy as i'm going into a new industry soon and might not have time for this. BUT REALLY, I am so inspired with all the YouTube community and how hard they work so very hard to get to where they are...and continue working hard even when they are on top.

So Competitive

Oh how Instagram has changed throughout the years!

What used to be a photo diary has became like a gallery instead. Gone are the days I can look back at my feed and remember "good times". I'm not complaining, it is still a joy browsing through Instagram and definitely a great platform which has helped a lot of pretty girls and photographers get noticed! However it saddens me that it isn't as "personal" as it used to be anymore. Well, to many it still is but to many "bloggers" it's not. Especially since many of us are making money from doing ads. Instagram has became our portfolio. I'm one of them, even though my pictures aren't impressive. You can really tell it's not as personal as before anymore. It's getting more fake as time goes by. I know.....

I feel pressured to take good pictures and many times I have to think if a picture is worthy enough to go up on my feed. Sometimes I even have to choose a slightly more expensive place to dine at for lunch or dinner just so I can snap a nice food picture to post. I do have lazy days where I'm like "aiyah whatever la I will just post whatever I want!" Then a few days later regret and take it down. Lol. In the past it was really like, hey let's take a pic, then add a filter then post. Now must QC like F! Oh and also find the correct time to post. Which means saving the pictures In my album and posting it at the "right" time. It's not "real time" for most bloggers anymore. Many times I take a picture on like thur afternoon and reserve it for like say Sunday morning and have to act and say something like "It's a happy morning, have a great Sunday!" Just so I can post it on Sunday when views will be the highest. Even though the pic wasn't even taken on a Sunday and I could've been having the worst hungover morning ever. Lol. AH THERE OUR BLOGGERS SECRET IS OUT! Haha. And some more must make sure it is sharp enough and bright enough. Most bloggers don't even shoot from the iPhone anymore! Almost every blogger has upgraded to a DSLR or at least a semi pro camera (but still not good enough unless you have a good lens).

Many people call themselves bloggers now because of the popularity they gained from Instagram. Which means clients can choose from more people to advertise with which means people like me will lose clients if I don't keep up and my numbers don't go up. It's like you take nice pictures, you can be popular already and can start taking ads and making money. Honestly though, there are a lot of "bloggers" in Singapore who have over 10k followers but a lot of them I hardly remember or know much about besides the fact they "take nice pictures". I'm not saying all bloggers have to display all their private stuff online to be known also la. Being a little more real and personal (slightly candid?) would be nice. Seriously, i don't know what they do or anything about them. Their lives are SO PERFECT it's like a fairytale, it's so unreal. Every ad that they get, it would be full of praises and nothing negative. Then it starts to get fake...because it's too perfect. You know what I mean?

Last time when you ask why a certain blogger is so popular, there'll be an answer, maybe a scandal, or something! Haha. Now it's mostly "because her photos are nice". Wait, actually a great photographer is all one needs to be popular to help them take good pictures. Also they need a good eye also la but got eye but no photographer also no use. Sometimes I feel that the photographer most "bo hua"...doubt the photographer makes as much money as the blogger despite the fact the photographer took all the Chio shots to make the blogger popular.

I'm SO fickle though...I just can't make up my mind on how I want my feed to look like. First I wanted it to be all colorful and happening...then glowy and all pretty (like those TR girls - cus of the casio camera effect lol)...then all white and bright...walao I just can't make up my mind! It's damn hard to keep up with it! How do people do it sooo well!!! Haha. So well, I decided on a style recently and I HOPE I'll stick to it. Let's see how I do in a month...watch my Instagram feed @ohsofickle haha

And again, why can't I just be me you ask? Why must I change? Well, it's just so difficult to "be myself" because of the pressure to improve so I won't be behind everyone around me in the industry. If everyone's followers are increasing rapidly because of their great pictures, if I don't step up my game, I'm just going to fall. My rice bowl is going to get taken away. If I really refuse to upgrade myself and change and insist I have to "be myself" and continue taking random pictures from my phone then good luck to me man. That's just what I feel la. If everyone's pics are so nice and clear, then mine is all grainy and dark, people would say I don't put effort in my work blahblah.

Again, this is my blog and I like to just say what I feel so yeah. TOTALLY RANDOM POST. I just do such posts to let the world hear how I feel and if you feel it has became very pretentious, I also feel it too! But well, that's how it is. And it will still continue to be even after I publish this post but at least you know you're not the only one feeling this way about the industry.

Expired - Time is Up!

Update:

So heartwarming to read all the comments below :') super touched!!! Thank you thank you thank you! I am super happy you girls have enjoyed my posts. FOR YEARS. Damn amazed at how quickly time has passed and how much I've grown. Thanks for growing up and walking through this journey w me. :) I wanna reply to each and every comment but my phone is wonky and my laptop is at my other house lol but anyohow, Thank YOU! I hope u read this.

I was reading Eunice's post and it prompted me to write about this topic which I've been wanting to write about for quite awhile!

Now that I am a mummy to be, I have faced a lot of Change in the past few months!

But first, let me share with you about the changes I faced in the past few years before I talk about what has changed in the last few months.

I look back at how I started my journey as a blogger and my online store and honestly, am proud of what I have achieved. But I get embarassed when I look at the old pictures of myself which got me "popular". Like WHY AND HOW THE HELL DID IT HAPPEN?! LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT I MEAN...

SIMI SAI WAS I WEARING? WHAT IS UP WITH MY HAIR? REALLY NO SUCH THING AS COMB BACK THEN I GUESS. HAHAHA.

I CANNOT TAKE IT!!!! IT IS SO EMBARASSING BUT SO FUNNY LOOKING AT THE PICTURES WHICH GOT ME TO WHERE I AM. LOL.

And it is amazing how my blog shop grew so much with images like that...

When I look at it now I'm all like...ewwwww!?!?! Yucks lehhhhhh really! Haha.

Yes the times have changed! Lol. Back then i could get noticed with such terrible make up skill, weird poses, and horrible image quality and editing skills...oh the horror!!! I don't even like my "style"?! Like what was I wearing? IM DAMN "FEELING" LEH. HAHAHA. Totally thought i was the coolest chick in town...the IT girl. LOL. Thanks to you all who made me feel that way la! Hahaha. Why last time y'all like ah??? Now you feel embarassed you were once a "fan" right hahaha :X

I hope I don't come across as arrogant saying this but most people my age who were shopping online at that point of time knew who I was/knew ohsofickle. I was the face of my own brand. I had a different style from most people and because of that I kinda stood out and got noticed more. There were so many good girl bloggers out there and I guess I stood out as I was like the only bad ass one with tattoos and all. There were girls who actually looked up to me to a point some even got the same tattoos as me.

There was no Instagram in those days and nobody really knew how many "followers" someone has to judge their popularity however i knew that was definitely my peak period. I have a lot of people come up to me and they'd tell me about how their poly mates and them followed my life damn closely. So many people were bitching about me, and hey I'll take that as a good thing cus that only happens when you are "relevant". I loved the attention I'll get when I walk into places with people my age.  Haha. Shit I can't believe I'm saying all this but anyway, ya that was back then so now I tell y'all how I felt back then it's ok right? Heh. Of course back then, Xiaxue was still the queen of social media and I was nowhere near her numbers but I have never compared myself to her because we are just too damn different and the only crowd who look up to me are mostly very young girls who were around my age ( the only range I could cater to were only the 14-18 year old....no older than that cus well, just look at the pictures again will you? haha).

As I grew older and more people stepped into the same scene, it got more and more competitive. If you are curious, well let me let you in on this, I was earning so much more money at 17-19 and running an online store was so much easier for me last time compared to now because of the influence i had. I think i was the only blogger who also owned an online store at the same time? The influence I had back then was sooo much stronger and there was not much competition too. It was easy to stand out in both the blogging industry as well as the blogshop industry. Post anything online can get sold out in a jiffy one! When i think about some of the stuff i sold, i'm like "how did i sell 100 of that in the past?!" haha. The more influential you are, the easier to sell things. We all know that! Everything i said was good, people would believe. My pictures and poses were considered the "nicer" than most shops too because well, there were not many "blog shop models". Most of the models were owners of the shop. And most shops choose to cut off the heads to protect their identity. It was soooo different last time man!

 I wished all the competition I faced didn't intimidate me and made me feel like I was not good enough. I wished pretty faces didn't make me feel so ugly I started to feel like I have to do so much self improvement to feel happy and satisfied. Last time I could look "that bad" and felt pretty! The more I changed to "fit in" the worse it got. Despite being better looking as I grew older (I'm being honest, have u seen how I looked back then?!), I lost the influence and the "popularity". The more mature I got, the more boring I was. I started to feel inferior and irrelevant in the scene. I also knew this when more and more people tell me things like "hey I used to follow ur blog!"...key word "used to". It was no longer the "OMG I love ur blog so much!". My readers grew up with me. When people grow up they no longer "idolize" people.

With Instagram around, it was also much easier to get noticed. There were so many good looking girls to follow and one by one, they all started upping their game and going into this full time. More and more people started becoming "influencers" aka "bloggers". Their numbers were growing and catching up with mine super fast. Everytime someone surpassed me in numbers id feel that it's "unfair" cus I've been in this longer than them. I really felt like I was lacking behind and I had to upgrade or be completely irrelevant but the more I tried, the harder I tried, I just couldn't grow anymore. It has been pretty stagnant for me for quite some time already. Sure, blogging and take pictures was something I loved to do but there was also another reason I continued, it was to stay relevant in this industry. Even when I felt tired and sian, and didn't feel like taking pictures, id force myself to because I have to keep updating my social media platforms so I would still be in the scene and be relevant. Other girls were putting in so much effort and had their numbers growing at a super rapid pace, if I stopped posting then I won't grow and soon I'll be way behind. It was a huge fear to no longer be well known.

Then it hit me one day.

(And my pregnancy too made me wake up.)

I decided this is not going to affect me and make me sad anymore. I want to love doing the things I do. I don't want to do it for a stupid reason. I have to change a lot of my priorities. Made me a happier person after doing so too.

I don't want to feel the pressure of staying "up there" anymore. I have reached my Expiry Date. Time is up for me! Got to stop trying to pursue this whole fame thing cus it aint getting anywhere. Time to grow up and get serious with life. FAME IS NOT FOREVER. Blogging is not going to pay the bills till I'm 50? Not for me. I dont think i can earn more $ from it and increase my advertorial fees. If i don't see myself growing anymore as a blogger, it means i am not as influential. How dare i charge higher fees if i cant produce results as good as before right? I was wrong to think the older i get, the more $ i'll earn from blogging. True for a few years. Then it'll be stagnant.

It is time to invest my time and money into better things. Maybe find a proper job. I have enjoyed my peak and now, I will learn to accept that people are going to take my place! The younger generation has so much more potential and they all look 10x better?! Just take a look at the younger generation bloggers like Naomi Neo, PeiShi, Eunice, Mae...the kind of works they produce for their age is amazing. Impressive make up skills, photo editing skills, photography skills, fashion sense, they have everything to make it and they are so much better at it than I am. They also can connect with their readers better because there ain't no age gap. I'm getting "old" and there's no going back in time. I can't connect with the younger generation anymore. I'm going to have to change my priorities and it's not possible to keep up with the youngsters and be as carefree anymore. It was nonetheless, a super good experience I must add! I love my life. I love the ups and downs I've been through. So exciting, so thrilling.

The numbers shouldn't matter to me and affect me as much anymore. I still need my numbers because I blog full time and it makes up 50% of my income but I can't be greedy and I've to accept it and be contented. Of course, i still want to earn $ from blogging for as long as I can but i am mentally prepared for the day nobody wants to engage me anymore. I also am prepared to lower my rates if i ever get so irrelevant and feel like i cannot produce results as good. I am also starting to get out to do more businesses and earn $ elsewhere instead of relying so much on blogging.

I am truly happy for all the bloggers who are getting noticed for their hard work and I hope it pays off for them and they'd enjoy what i enjoyed! With this mentality, I don't feel sad and bitter that they are getting more attention! In the past, I don't think i'd follow and comment on/like people's social media posts in case I gave them "fame". Now, it's totally different! If I like their personality, their pictures, whatever their numbers, I'd be more than glad to shower them with compliments? I feel like a much better person too! Haha.

Not all bloggers will "expire" at the same age though. It depends how long they've been "relevant" and how well they engage with their readers. Some bloggers may be older and still relevant (like Qiu Qiu) but then again, she stepped into the blogging scene and got fame later too. And of course in this industry, there's the reigning queen XX who will always be up there even if age catches up but not everyone can be her. I've seen SO SO SOOOO many people come out of the blogging scene already. Most of those bloggers I followed back then have stopped blogging...or maybe they do blog but I'm honestly not interested in them as I'm more interested in the younger bloggers. Bloggers get outdated one. I am one of them. Haha. But I accept it! I realised the reason why I'm "overtaken" by others and I no longer want to try to change that cus it is too damn tiring, me has better things to work hard for than Instagram followers. If I continue to grow in numbers, good for me! If I don't, I'll swallow the fact and still be happy with my life. Honestly I do know people will still follow me and read my blog. I'm not totally out of the scene yet but i know things will never be like in the past. I no longer aim to be a "top blogger". Months ago, I assumed I could be like XX, blogging for the rest of my life and staying relevant even when I'm in my late Twenties. But I'm only 23 and I already feel like cannot alr! I started at like 15? That's 8 years in the scene already. Doubt I can grow much. I feel that those who used to follow my life closely in the past and have stopped, they won't go back to being interested in "old news". 

I really really am very happy and touched for all the love and support a lot of y'all have showered me with over the years though. Thank you if you've been following me for years and watched me grow up!  :)

I have retired from trying to be a "Scene Kid". Top of my list now is to be a good mummy to Baby Elroy! Also, because of my baby, I have to change my blogging style. Which means I'll have a different crowd following me in future. The topics I discuss about etc. Gone are the days I talk about cheating exes and trashing others! Haha.

我长大了!!!

10 Don'ts: First Date

Sometimes, when we see a friend who is single for a pretty long time, we'd go "Why still no boyfriend?" and the standard answer? "Nobody wants me lah!".

Well, that is because a lot of Single men/women out there are shy and do not know how to make new friends. I know how much courage it takes for someone to walk up to someone to talk to them. Rejection aint a wonderful thing. Also, there's another group of people, people who hold 9am-5pm jobs. Especially if you are a guy and the industry you are in lacks of girls. Because they are hardly around girls, they don't know how to approach girls when they are out. Plus, most of them don't go out after working hours so they can go years without making new friends.

But when one day, you finally find the solution to meeting strangers and getting the chance to go out with them...HOW WILL YOU FARE?

Below this post, i have shared the solution for shy singles ready to mingle! So in this post are 10 THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT DO ON A FIRST DATE.

Tip #1 DO NOT MAKE YOUR DATE WAIT

Try to be 5 min earlier than the time agreed if possible. Some people think girls are allowed to be late but guys aren't allowed to. Who teach you one? Don't go 10 min beyond the agreed meeting timing because no one likes waiting. Guys say they don't mind waiting for girls to get ready but do you really think they enjoy waiting?? Nobody does - they'd rather not! It is important to start the it off in the right mood.

Tip #2 DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR EX

Sometimes we go on dates when we're still heart broken and mending a broken heart but this is one thing we should not do or we will never be over the ex. If you honestly wish to get over your ex, then DO NOT TALK ABOUT HIM/HER. You should be more interested in knowing more about your new date than your ex. Instead of missing the one who got away, try focus on what you have at the moment. Do not say things like "My ex and I... used to come here all the time"...what do you expect your date to say???

Tip #3 DO NOT OVER DRESS

And i do not mean you should under dress too. Wear something simple and appropriate. Look presentable, neat but not too over the top. Doing "too much" can make you look intimidating or makes you looking like you're "trying too hard to impress". Try to look as effortless as you can (but how long it really took you to clean up that well...only you know!). This reminds me of the times i really regret putting too much make up when i'm out with a guy i like. I'd try a new way of drawing my eye liner hoping it'll make me look prettier. I wished i didn't slap so much make up and tried so hard to make myself look perfect because i always end up looking like a big mess when i try too hard. However when i go simple and go for the "barely there" make up, i get more compliments. It's like a reverse effect.

Tip #4 DO NOT ASK HER "SO WHAT SHOULD WE DO NOW"

This is a very important tip for the boys. Most of the time, you'll hear "Don't know? Up to you?" when you ask the question so DON'T EVEN BOTHER ASKING. Girls like guys who put in effort in planning and girls love surprises! When you put in effort in planning a nice date full of surprises for her, it becomes a date she'll not forget. You want to make an impact and be different from the rest. Remember to always come up with Plan B in case Plan A fails!

Tip #5 DO NOT ACT ALOOF

Yeah, you know girls like cool guys. But really, what most girls want are guys who look bad but are in actual fact softies by heart! If you keep acting so cool, you'll turn out to be fierce and that may make her feel intimidated, so smile more!! Smiling may help her feel more comfortable and lifts the mood. Not too much though, or you'll look like a creep. Same for girls, guys like chirpy and happy go lucky girls, not stuck up girls so smile! :)

Tip #6 DO NOT EXPECT YOUR DATE TO PAY FOR THE MEAL

This actually applies to both genders. I know many girls think that guys should be the one paying. So you think you deserved it?!?! If it's a first date, as a girl i usually offer to split the bill. Some guys accept it and some reject it. Either way, it is fine with me. Some guys dare not accept because they are afraid they'd look "cheap skate" but i have came across guys who accept it too because they are afraid of saying no to me? Haha. And they are in fact very generous guys after i know them better but just timid and didn't want me to feel offended by rejecting the money i placed in front of him. So yeah, do just let this one point be the "Deal Breaker". Like if he doesn't pay for your share, you think he ain't a gentleman because that's not always the case. If he offers to pay for the meal, that is great too. At least you offered to pay for your own share instead of sitting back and waiting for him to take his credit card out. I am sure that you will leave a good impression!

Tip #7 DO NOT USE YOUR PHONE TOO MUCH

We turn to our phones when we feel bored and awkward. During a first date, try to not touch it at all even if you feel bored and awkward because it puts your date in a difficult position and he/she would end up taking our his/her phone to use too. This might turn into something uncomfortable after awhile. Sometimes when we're out on a date and our bestie texts us things like "so how's everything going?!?!" we'd be so excited to reply and keep him/her in the loop. Well that can wait till when you get home!

Tip #8 DO NOT FLARE UP AT ANYTHING

It's a first date, try to keep the mood happy and uppity all the way! Be graceful and patient about everything. Even the waiter who took a long time to take your order or the one who spilled water on your precious shirt. Or even your date who accidentally said something insulting. Take everything with a pinch of salt. TOLERATE SHIT HAPPENING AROUND.

Tip #9 DO NOT TALK TOO MUCH ABOUT YOURSELF

It is a get to know each other better session but remember to always end your sentence with "what about you?" after you have answered a question about yourself. Sometimes you might have a lot to say about a certain thing but always remember not to get too carried away. Make sure your date is listening and not drifting away by asking her questions! From her answer and tone, you can easily tell if she's interested in what you are saying. If it doesn't sound so good, change the topic.

Tip #10 DO NOT WALK AHEAD OF HER

Do not walk too fast. If you want to lead the way, always remember to look back and back sure he/she is no more than an arm length away. I have encountered this before and i really HATE walking behind and worst, if he does not look back to check on me. Sometimes i feel like a dog following him around. :/ I know sometimes it isn't intentional but i really can't help but to feel that way. If you are a guy you are usually the one "leading the way" and walking faster so that means you have to open doors for her. Be it the door of the restaurant, or the car door. Shows that chivalry is not completely dead and you score brownie points.

Now that i have shared some the things you shouldn't do so you can have a great date and some chance of progression! :)

GOOD LUCK!

Different Type of Friends

Being someone who goes out a lot for events, i get to meet a lot of people and make a lot of new friends. Not everyone gets a long with everyone so there are some wonderful friendships which i know will last a lifetime, and then there are some which i wish i didn't have. Some take years to fade away; others end spectacularly.

Here's a list of the different kind of friends i have...

THE BEST FRIEND

The friend you can tell EVERYTHING to. She listens but never judges. She tells it to you straight. They are friends who know you inside out. Friends who know the ugliest things about you. Seen you at your best and your worst.

THE SISTER FRIEND

She's just like a sister from another mother. Sometimes she does things which pisses you off but you can't get that angry with her and you love her no matter what. You want to look after her and teach her stuff. You are extremely patient around her.

THE OPPOSITE-SEX BEST FRIEND

The friend of the opposite you are so close to but will never be in a relationship with. You can hold hands with the person when you're out with them, he even carries your shopping bags for you. However, you will never think of being in a relationship with that person. Everyone thinks you guys make a great couple but you know it will never happen. 

THE CHILDHOOD FRIEND

People you meet in kindergarten, your playground or within your family friends. Most of the time around the same age as you. You don't always meet him/her but when you do, you always talk about the past which is a really nice feeling because it tends to stir fond feelings and cherished memories.

THE FIT FRIEND

The person who makes you to get your lazy ass up and moving! The one always looks so fresh and energetic, accompanied with a great body. The one who motivates you to get fit. You just feel bad eating junk food and being lazy around them.

THE PARTY FRIEND

The friend you will only be seen with in clubs and never in daylight. Most of the time you only meet him/her outside the club. It usually starts with an excited "OMG BABE! HELLO! LET'S GO DRINK!" *TIGHT HUG*. He/She is usually crazy and fun and you love his/her company a lot. Whenever you go to parties, you just look forward to meeting that person. You can spend hours with that person together holding each other and hugging each other but when day time comes, you guys lead life separately and you realize you hardly know a thing about him/her.

THE OLDER FRIEND

The friend who is much older and speaks like your dad/mom. The person who mentors you with wit and wisdom. Most of the time it happens to be your teacher. The person whom you usually listen to and not want to argue with because he/she is older and wiser.

THE ONLINE FRIEND

The friendly person you interact with very often on Twitter/Instagram/Facebook. You think you know a lot about the person's character and personality just by looking at their posts. You have never met them before in real life but you feel close to them in some way because of how similar you guys think.

THE V.I.P EVERYWHERE FRIEND

Someone you are very proud of being seen talking to. Usually a successful business person or a celebrity or simply a very highly talented person. They become the life of every party, and intentionally or unintentionally hog all the limelight. Someone everyone usually want favors from. Usually a rich and very generous person.

THE JUICY GOSSIP FRIEND

When you are around them, you just get your "bitch mode" on. Conversations usually begin like this "did you hear about xxxx...?!". That person seems to know something about everyone, Who's dating who, who cheated on who etc. Be very careful and never trust them with your own personal secrets, they might be people who will soon be bartering your deepest secrets for someone else’s.

THE ALWAYS THERE FRIEND

You don't always see them but when you know they are always just a phone call away because you are very important to them. You both lead really different lives and don't usually see each other but the distance doesn't make you guys drift apart. Every time you guys meet, it never feels weird. You would have endless things to catch up on and you guys always have a great time together. 

THE DISCOUNT FRIEND

The go-to person to get discounts for things. They usually work at brands you like and give you great discounts. And they happen know a lot of people who can give discounts. You always visit them at the shops they work at to chit-chat with them. 

THE OBNOXIOUS FRIEND

The friend you wish you never had. Usually very rude and loud. It is embarrassing being seen with them as they speak really loudly and have very bad manners. They are insensitive to people's feelings and can hurt people's feelings without realizing it. Like eg. if someone fat walks pass, they'd point and laugh and make fun of them. You kinda feel scared to tell them it's wrong to do something because you are afraid they'd raise their voice at you. You want drop them but sometimes it's difficult when they are friends with your other friend. You try to avoid them but they always come up to you and stand next to you.

THE NEEDY FRIEND

The friend who comes to you only when he/she needs something. Although he/she only comes to you when he/she needs something, you are still glad to help them because you can.

THE HAPPY PILL FRIEND

They are always saying "Yes!" to everything and whenever you are down, being around this person makes everything better because he/she is always all smiles. This person just oozes out positive energy and it is a joy being around them. 

THE IM-JEALOUS-OF FRIEND

She has everything. She's everything you wished you were. But you like being around her despite it all. You're jealous but you don't hate her for all that she has.

What other friends do you have? 

Share it with me in the comment box below!

Girlfriend Code

There's one thing I absolutely cannot stand. That is good friends sharing the same boy. How is it possible for them to sleep on the same bed (assuming the girls sleepover at the guy's place which is most likely the case)? How is it possible for them to kiss the same lips?

It's disgusting, no? No matter how nice the guy is to you, if it is your friend's bf, you should keep a distance. It's like an unspoken rule? To not be too close to your good friend's bf?

I don't know if many practice this but I do and I know my close girlfriends like DX and Donna do too. Which I am thankful for. Plus, there is absolutely no way I'll give them up for a guy. The guy might only be nice to you in the beginning but in time to come, things will change. Never be over confident he will stay nice forever. Of course he is nice la....every guy can be nice if they want to get in your pants? But so what if he is nice? Boundaries my dear BOUNDARIES. He is your friend's. Don't even go near! There are so many other guys out there who will be nice to you. Youre so pretty, difficult to find meh? I will never do what you did. I love my friends so much because no matter what, they never leave - they stick to me through thick and thin. How can one betray the trust and let go of a friendship over a guy who might turn out to be unworthy? Good friends are hard to find and once you lose them, you might never ever find another one like them.

What makes the whole situation worse is when this blogger actually gave up a relationship which was over 2/3 years long? For her friend's bf? Totally unacceptable?! Ok they may be having problems in the relationship and it's fine to break up but let go of a 2/3 years rship just like that and get together with another guy in just a few days. This would mean during her relationship before the break up, she was already talking to the guy her bestie was seeing. Poor ex bf of hers is still in army some more. No explanation can make up for it. Love? What love? One should never set eyes on their good friend's bf in the first place. Your gf's bf should always be FRIENDZONED. Even if he shows interest in you, as a girl you need to know the unspoken rule!!! I don't know how her friend feels but I feel angry and sad for her friend. What an absolute disappointment! Seriously, I will never have the heart to hurt my best friend like that. Ever. "I chose happiness"...*roll eyes* only a heartless friend can say that??

It's really none of my business but it really pisses me off for some weird reason. It's the actions of the girl I think is inappropriate and disgraceful. One may be blessed with good looks and all but seriously, a heart like that is undeserving. Spare a thought for your best friend - one who has always been there for you through the good times and the bad. What a selfish act. Looks are deceiving.

Why aren't you treasuring your close friends even after seeing some leave your life? What's the meaning of friendship to some i wonder?