Thursday, September 5, 2013

Putting Up A Front

Putting up a front when i'm sad is nothing new. Most of my friends are unaware of my break up (unless they are my really close friends) because i don't behave any different around them. Sometimes i feel super sad, i'd use an excuse like "i'm sleepy, i wanna go home now k?" to get away if i feel like i'm about to burst into tears.

I can't remember the last time i cried in front of my friends. I just don't want them to be in a difficult position whereby they don't know what to do. We have been through situations when one is crying and you say things like "i love you, don't cry, don't be sad!" they cry even harder? That's exactly what will happen to me so if i cry, i hide in my room, turn off the lights and cry till i get so tired and my eyes get so sore then fall asleep.

Don't get me wrong, i have no issues with people doing that to me. In fact, i actually love being the shoulder people cry on, i love consoling people. When my friends come to me with a problem, i love talking to them about it and playing Aunt Agony. So putting up a front on my part is because i always want to be the "strong" one. Breaking down in front of them would make me look weak and not strong enough to be their pillar of strength. I

When i say i'm sad, i really wish some people would understand i really am sad despite how i appear to be. I am really good at putting up a front that sometimes i appear so strong, people tell me things like "you know i don't think he loves you that much anyway, great that y'all aren't together anymore i'm so happy for you.". I'd nod my head and agree and smile but deep down THOSE WORDS ACTUALLY HURT. I mean when i'm going through a break up, the last thing i want to hear is "he does not love you anymore" or anything along those lines. I think those are things i will figure out on my own eventually. So please, sometimes, be sensitive with your words to friends going through Break Ups. Even if they appear to be OK, it could be just a mask.....