Saturday, March 22, 2014

Size Matters

I find it extremely difficult to do my OOTDs nowadays. Before i was pregnant, i was a UK6-8 and in Singapore, it was the average size. In fact, i've always felt "bigger" than my friends because they were mostly UK4-6. However, when i'm at home, i feel skinny because my step dad who is american always tells me i'm "thin" when compared to girls in America. So yeah, i've never really felt uncomfortable with my size and whenever felt fat i could just go for a loooong jog to make myself feel better. I always complained about weight gain and shit but it's only now that i realize that weight gain is nonsense, i'm facing REAL weight gain now.

No one told me i'd have such huge boobies and butt during pregnancy. My arms and thighs seem to have doubled in size. Abs? Man, i kinda forgot how those look like. I always thought i'd be one of those girls who would only "grow a big belly" during pregnancy and everything else would stay the same. Hmmmmm but NOOO...i'm expanding everywhere! My appetite is madness...and everyone around me spoils me too much! My mom and friends keep feeding me and making sure i eat more. And i just can't say no to yeah, no surprise to the weight gain~

This few days I can't fit most of my pants...not even those which used to be slightly loose on me. I had to shop for pants which are UK10 or bottoms with elastic bands. I couldn't fit most "blog shop" clothes i was being sponsored as most items fit UK8 best. Even for my own shop's stuff which i imported from overseas. I could only fit self-manufactured items which came in sizes and can only wear size M-L now. It's not THAT bad because yes i still could still fit some but i felt i didn't look good in it cus the models are way smaller. The blog shops cater to "mass market" and when i can no longer fit into those "free size" clothes, i realized being a UK10 meant i was bigger than the average (referring to girls under 30 years old because the average size for girls over 30 is around UK10-12 - i guess it's because of child birth or slow metabolism).

 I finally understood why a lot of girls in Singapore who look healthy and normal go on a diet. I have a few friends who are above UK10 and to me they look awesome! However most of them are extremely insecure and unhappy with their bodies and always called themselves Fat. To me they didn't look fat at all but now that i am a UK10 myself, i kinda understand where they are coming from. I know how it feels to "feel fat" even though i'm not exactly fat. 

As I scroll through my Instagram, i realized most of the popular girls i follow are tiny UK6-8. They look good in everything and that made me jealous!!! I wish i could be that size again! Do they even eat i wonder?! Wow they are so tinyyyy! I have been kinda upset because i can no longer aim to look that way for the next few months, it's gonna be the opposite. Those girls really make me feel sooo huge. Then i put myself into the shoes of girls who were never "skinny" and who also followed all this eye candies too. I realized how it really can kill ones self-esteem. I know there are many girls out there who just hate dressing up and taking pictures because of the way they feel because for the past few weeks, that was how i felt. I hated my body image and i couldn't stop feeling ugly. However something just struck me a few days ago and i decided to enjoy this new body. I decided to LOVE MYSELF no matter what size i am. Given a choice, i'd work out to have my dream body but because i'm restricted now, i will not whine and complain but instead, choose to love this new shape.

It is wonderful we can look at our friends, sisters, mothers, without the slightest thought to their flaws... but can obsess for hours on our own imperfections! We just think about our flaws to the point we shirk at any documentation that our round faces and curvy bodies ever walked the earth. Well babe, life doesn't wait until you "get thin" enough to live it happily. Life is happening... it is happening right now and y'know what, make the best out of it while you can! Please remember that the insecurities we have in our heads will never be a part of how our friends, family, boyfriends, see us! They love us for who we are, not how we look.

It is ok if you're bigger than average, as long as you are confident you can and will look good! I will keep telling myself that and i will not feel ugly anymore! I am still beautiful me and if i'm this size, i can still dress up by wearing clothes that will flatter my body. Being bigger than average does not mean you aren't beautiful! It really is very important to feel happy about yourself because when you are, everything seems to fall nicely in place and you will be more well-liked. Who likes being around people who are unhappy and whiney all the time, a person who can't stop complaining about how they look and pulling a long face all the time. I have done that the past few weeks and well, those days are GONE! No more whining and crying and being sad!

In Singapore, people call people fat too easily. What would be considered fat? An overweight person - having a BMI of 25 and above. Anyone who isn't overweight and is at a healthy weight is not fat and should not be categorized as fat. There's a reason why it's called "Healthy Weight". You're eating good, and getting enough for your body.

If you are happy and can deal with being bigger than average, good job girl! But if you really really cannot love what you see in the mirror everyday then what are you waiting for? Do something about it! Eat healthy and go exercise! By doing that you will feel happier and proud of yourself because results are 100% guaranteed.

 p.s then again, this is not a post to encouraging you to stay overweight/obese if you are though...because you know that is an unhealthy approach to life and being on a healthy diet is something you should be on for better health and a brighter future.