Saturday, September 11, 2010


So here I am, lying in bed. It's 3ish. My mind is filled with thoughts. All kinds of thoughts. There's the Happy and the Scared and the Confused.

Its been a week seeing the boy non-stop and I'm happy. Love his company. Love everything about it. It's what I've been dreaming of the past month. Being able to have someone there for me 24/7. Having someone to hold tight. What makes it greater is that he's the one I thought of as my "dream boy". It's funny. Funny how last month I was all "I don't think he'd wanna be with someone like me" and's so different. It's no longer that whole "crush" thing, that whole "unrequited love" thing. I'm happy. I'm glad those days are all over. Thinking back at the number of times I nearly gave up on him....gave up on falling in's all over.

But im scared. I can never be happy for long. I'm scared I can't keep the one I want for long. I don't want all of this to be over. Not yet. Never. I'm also scared I won't be able to survive the many weeks without him when he leaves to go miles and miles away. He will be so far away.....beyond my reach.

And then I'm confused. Is this is really what I think it is? Maybe it isn't love. Maybe I'm thinking too far. Maybe he doesn't see this the way I do. Maybe I'm not the one for him. Maybe he's just "trying it out". I don't know. Really don't.

So the thoughts.....they'll keep coming but the answers don't and well all I can do is let the thoughts flood my mind. Flood my mind till I get tired of thinking.
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