Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Relationship Issue

Last night, dinner with the girls...

Love 'em plenty! The people i grew up with!

Supposed to be doing facial now but i feel sooo unwell :( I need to stop falling sick all the time!! MAJOR MOOD AND PLAN SPOILER. :(

Anyhow, i was lying in bed awhile ago with lotsa random thoughts going thru my brain. The many possibilities that could happen to a happy lovey dovey couple that could result in a break up. Got up and decided to Google!

1. Old Fears Surface. (This is something my boyfriend and i are constantly arguing about)
It's to be expected that being in an intimate relationship will inevitable bring up fears and challenges from the past. These might include fearing not being good enough, attractive enough, wealthy enough or even feelings of abandonment. If fears are not expected, looked at and healed, they interfere in some way or another with the health of every relationship.

Ask yourself if your fears are "true" or are you just making "stories" up in your head. If you are creating those "stories" and there's no basis of truth to them, then change your thinking.

You may not have healed your broken heart from past relationships that ended and you find it very difficult to trust your current partner or open your heart completely to him or her. We suggest that you stop living from the hurt of those past relationships and bring yourself into the present moment, without continuing the "stories" of the past. Commit to starting over, allowing your fears to be there but reminding yourself that this is a new day.

2. Not Making their Relationship a Priority.
Many couples take each other for granted and don't give their relationship the attention it needs most of the time. The lack of closeness and connection can be overwhelming and can cause great loneliness. Make your relationship a priority in your life. Set aside time everyday to connect with your partner.

We believe that sex happens long before the bedroom. It starts all day long when you have thoughts about your partner--Are these thoughts positive or negative? It continues when you come together--Are you happy to see each other and express love and appreciation or do you great each other with a laundry list of chores, things to be done or grievances?

3. Unfaithfulness a supreme destroyer of relationships...nothing really wounds a person so much as when his/her partner isn't happy enough at home that he/she decides to go looking for what's missing in other places. Cheating on your lover is probably the coldest, most hurtful thing you can do to a person and usually results in nigh-unfixable the best way to deal with the problem is to never have it in the first place.

4. Not healing your heart after a previous relationship breakup
Many people go from relationship to relationship without truly healing their hearts. They never discover what went wrong in their previous relationship and what they could have done differently. They keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again and always expect a different outcome.

We suggest that you take the time to heal your broken heart and your attachment to being a victim, in being right or whatever holds you to a previous relationship. Spend some energy in taking responsibility for what happened, forgiving yourself and your previous partner, and deciding what you want to change in your life.

5. No excitement
Allowing a relationship to get boring and stale is perhaps one of the most tragic ways that one can end, as it's pretty much just a case of so little going on that a person doesn't really care anymore. Lack of spontanaeity and "spice" is a relationship's enemy, although you don't have to freak out if you aren't doing something new every hour. Spend time together, and do things that are fun for both of you! It's crazy to simply let a relationship "reach its expiration date."

6. You compare your partners to others.
If you are always measuring your partner up against other people, you should probably stop and measure your relationship. Everyone has attractive and unattractive aspects and a good relationship evolves in spite of them not because of them.

7. You give, give, give or take, take, take.
All relationships must, by necessity, provide mutual benefit. It does not mean absolute equality but if you find that you are no longer deriving any benefit from the relationship, move on.

Then there's one more i thought of....funny but it can happen so dont laugh, "finding out your boyfriend is actually blood related to you". Ok what are the chances right? But Singapore is reeeeeally small? It's just so sad!! Imagine if your relationship is damn strong...then suddenly 10 years down the road you realised he is related to you and you can't marry him anymore :( Wonder if it has happened before to anyone? Y'know if i hate some one i can go like "I HOPE YOUR BOYFRIEND IS YOUR LONG LOST BROTHER!". It is so tragic. Lol.

Ok ignore the last part....i just have weird thoughts. Anyway if you realise the things that can cause a break up and make sure it doesn't happen, you won't have to face a break up! But of course, it takes 2 hands to clap