Lately, the boy & i have been quarreling a lot....which is just sad. I hate quarreling. I turn kukoo. Like REALLY kukoo.
And i'm the one who's always causing us to quarrel. It's always about the ex-gf/bf issue. WHICH IS SOOOOOO ANNOYING. I always piss him off by accident by being insensitive and discussing about the ex-boyfriend and bringing up things to piss myself off bout his ex-girlfriend. If i can just keep certain thoughts to myself it won't happen but fuck, WHY CAN'T I?!?!
I'm always comparing. ALWAYS. Like i'll compare every single thing and must win. Even though i know i can't win and some things are obvious, i still ask and hope he'll say something i wanna hear. Then again, i don't want to be lied to and would be like "you liar you!!! trying to make me happy only right".
For example, that day, we were talking about Singing and apparently, his ex-gf is an awesome singer, so despite knowing that, i still had to ask "Her voice nice?" and his reply "Power lor" and I WENT CRAZY. -.- But it's a fact and i already know it?! It sucks that i'm like not a very good singer and i know it...i can find someone who can sing better, easily - SO WHY DO I STILL BOTHER ASKING?!?! Then...i went, "Aiya power then you go back to her lah! She's prettier, skinnier yadayada I'M JUST A FAT PIECE OF LARD!!!!!!!!" Seriously ah...i always think about the things i say, i want to punch myself -.- It has no relevance to what i was angry about at first.
He went like "No??? Singing is not everything what?" then i said something like "Ya but if a girl can sing and she's pretty and has the body who don't want?!". WHY I LIKE THAT AH?! The things i say when we're quarreling is super stupid and quite funny lor. Thinking about it i wanna laugh....BUT AT THAT POINT OF TIME, I WAS DAAAAAMN ANGRY.
One thing led to another, and i just went on and on and on......end of the day? He hugged me to calm me down and said sorry - FOR SOMETHING HE DIDN'T EVEN DO/CAUSE. It's always like that?! Then again, if he doesn't give in to me, if he argues back and screams at me, i'll go 10 times crazier & it's really nooooot funny anymore.
I also like to do things like looking at all his ex-girlfriends pictures....or girls he find pretty, and go mad. Like he doesn't show it to me, he reformatted his computer so i can't find anything but i'll go search....i'll go search for blogs, try to find old posts, and piss the fuck out of myself. I do all this, and get angry with him & it's not even his fault?! I should be glad he treats his ex-gf well right? NO! I'd be like "Wah so loving.....you still love her right? Don't bluff me! How can you stop loving her so easily you guys used to look so loving! IS IT YOU DON'T LOVE ME AS MUCH?!". And... I know me, if i come across a post which lists out the bad things he did to his ex i'd be like "You'll do that to me right? You'll say that to me right?!?!" FUCK I CANNOT STAND MYSELF. HAIIIII WHY CAN'T I BE LIKE MOST NORMAL GIRLS?!?! Girls are already born quite complicated but i'm really damn jialat lah.
Wah....i really want this relationship to last and don't wanna be like this anymore :( Ok i know this post just made me look like the worst kinda girl you can ever meet - but l'm writing it cus wonder if it's just me....or if there are people out there like me? I definitely have my good girlfriend days,if not by now my boyfriend would've already left me, but i really want to stop my nonsense lah. I feel i'm pushing his limits....he'll soon scream and shout at me and be nasty - & i don't want that day to come, EVER! I cannot handle it when someone shouts! He has done it before and i went super insane! It kinda scared him and he decided to calm down and give in to me but i know, one day, he'll reach a point where he's used to me crying like a baby, hitting myself really hard, or punching a wall and he'll walk away....when it comes....it might be too late? :(
Ok ok 'nuff of the craziness...
Anyhow, Valentines Day is around the corner! Can't wait! I need to shop for a gift and plan something wonderful~~~ oh and i can't wait for No Strings Attached! ASHTON KUTCHER!!!! Yknow I'm going to get angry in the cinema watching that show....cus Natalie Portman is my boyfriend's fav actress.....and i'm going to say stupid things if i see sex scenes like "You wish you're Ashton Kutcher right?! Can touch her all!" and then i'll say something again like "I wish i was Natalie Portman! I love Ashton Kutcher! HE'S TOO HOT!!!" to piss him off even more. THAT'S SO TAMMY PLEASE.
P.S Sorry i can't do a Valentines Day collection on OSF :( Not enough time.
P.S I read all your comments!! Thank you for sharing your experiences :) I wanna reply some lah but so difficult....stupid comment box! I should change my blog layout soon so i can change to a better comment box. Walau my boyfriend always ask me why i'm like that yadayada, cus i doubt his exes were half as siao ding dong as i am, and he made me feel like not many girls are like that. Well after reading all your comments, SO GLAD IM NOT ALONE! Hehe :)
P.S Eh i just read some comments, confirm know my bf and his ex gf friends or something cus they mentioned names. :/ WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME WHAT KINDA RELATIONSHIP MY BOYFRIEND USED TO HAVE WITH HIS EX-GF? What's your problem!!!!! They used to be sooo in love - I KNOW?! That's exactly why i feel inferior?! Even if yall are her friends, must ya'll so mean to me not....also not i break them up one?! & so what, if they are still in contact or not? Why cant someone be friends with ex-gf? I'm also friends with my exes what?! Wrong meh?? If they're still friends, it doesn't mean they still have "something going on"? Come on lah? And right...walau enough lah, "he loves her more than you cus youre ugly" OKAYYYYYYY...? But i don't think my bf actually cares about how i look? He emphasized on that to me like a million times cus i'm constantly complaining about how i'm soooo much bigger than his ex-gfs. I know he loves me for me otherwise why does he bother salvaging the rship again and again even though he knows i'm a bit crazy? Right? You know him, scold him lah, why you scold me?! You want me to go like "eh baby, lets break up, i'm too fat and ugly for you" to the one i love is it? Siao! If i'm with a guy who's too good for me, all the more i treasure uh!