Lately, i haven't really been blogging because i am just not in the best state of mind right now. All i want to do is to distract myself, which also equates to partying, partying and more partying.
Most days i come home at 7am and i tell myself i'm never doing this again. Then comes the next weekend, i do it all over again. It's so unhealthy, it's doing my skin bad, it's draining my $, but i still never stop.
Some people ask me why do i party. Honestly, i have no agenda when i party. I would agree to do anything to take my mind off things because i just don't want to stay in bed crying my heart out and having sleepless nights. No, i certainly don't party to find someone to bring home. No matter how drunk i am, i always make sure i make it back home on my own. So whatever rumor you hear about me going home with someone is absolute bull. Ok but say if i'm dead drunk and lying in my own vomit, then i don't know lah because that hasn't happened, and hopefully never happens! Still, i think my subconscious mind will not allow anything to happen? So even if the person brings me home and when my eyes open, i know i'd run to the door and hop into the cab home. Lol. Major turn off cus imagine the guy's like "yes!!! score!!! i brought her home!" then the moment i wake up i run away. HAHA.
Yesterday i went for a jog after such a long time. I did 6km and gave up (i usually do at least 7-8km). Dammit, i can't even do a run properly?! It's like this 3 weeks, i can't do anything well. Cant do anything right. It's terrible. My mind just can't focus. I always feel so lost. I need to find my way back to G*. I need to find myself again. Praying everything will get better. If this goes on i'd fail in life. If this goes on, everything i work so hard for the past few years would be taken away from me.
I'm so disorientated! NEED TO GET MY S* TOGETHER.
