Friday, August 2, 2013

Tips to Remember

If you're facing a tough time after a failed relationship, this post would be useful!

For my situation, right now i think time apart will be good for us to iron out our thoughts and become better people. No one is at fault in my situation, it's not ugly and no one did shit. It's just really tiring as the both of us keep arguing over the littlest things. If it's meant to be, it'll be right?

Tips To Remember

… When a relationship ends, We tend to over-complicate things and over-analyze every thought and emotion We have. 

What you need to remember is that you don’t have to make yourself miserable when a situation doesn’t work the way you “expected” it to. 

 Here are some tips for getting over “the blues”:

1. The question to ask first and foremost is, “How does what I’m doing right now serve Me?” Seriously, does sitting around sulking about a soured relationship actually do anything constructive for your happiness? Here’s where discipline is key: you can choose to be better. Develop skills and habits to support you Being Better.

2. Self-Assessment. 
Make a list of 
1) the qualities that you like about yourself
2) things you know that you are good at doing 
3) skills/talents that you have 
4) things that other people you respect appreciate about you 
5) prove each of the things on your list with real-life situations that you have done/are doing 

Read this list daily to boost your positive and powerful energies and to render criticism (especially ugly-break-up accusations) useless and unfounded. NEVER compare yourself to anyone else in her/his life. Seriously, why should you care? Why want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? If someone compares you to a person in their past, they have not moved on from their “drama” and cannot fully be committed to you. If they compare you to a new lover, defuse their abuse by saying, “Sounds like you deserve each other. Good luck,” and get away from them. 

Choose to have a better-for-you situation all the way around.

3. Identify how the PERSON differs from the IDEAL you hold/held of her/him. Every time you begin torturing yourself with false visions of how you want to believe s/he is, remember how s/he REALLY is and notice how HUGE the difference is. 

Most often, you will see that warning signs occurred in the relationship but Our commitment to Our fantasy ideals set us up for a“predictable disappointment.” 

Next time, We can choose to commit to paying attention to the signs in order to make healthy relationship choices along the way.

4. Don’t play the “make-wrong-game” on yourself or the other person. The reason you feel that the situation was “wrong” was because it did not meet your expectations. The make-wrong-game fosters negative, toxic energy that turns in on yourself. Your time could be better used on forgiveness and loving yourself more so that you will attract the person who can love you the way you want to be loved and who will deserve to love you.

5. Forgiveness. When you break it down the to lowest level, you are forgiving yourself and the other(s) for NOT showing up to fit your expectations and/or fantasies. Repeat often: “It could NOT have been any other way than the way it was.” Wasting time on what coulda-woulda-shoulda-been is completely unproductive. You could be indulging in Love-Me-Time and committing to your Joy.

Remember the good qualities that the person had which attracted you to her/him. This alleviates you from making yourself wrong for the fact that the person stopped displaying those qualities with you. It also validates the qualities that you like in a partner and frees you to continue to enjoy them in the NEXT person. Practicing this habit also allows you to smile and laugh at the good things, which is an exercise in positive energy generation for your success.Forgive yourself for any and all situations that you participated in and acknowledge yourself for your good contributions. You did what you did, s/he did what s/he did and that’s that. Nothing was ever all good or all bad. Let the good be valuable to your Life Lessons and let the bad be indications of what not to do next time.If the opportunity presents itself and is right, you can say you’re sorry that things didn’t work out and wish the other person well. You do this as part of evolving to the next level of forgiveness for yourself and for completion with the other person. Have NO attachment to their behavior or the outcome.

Forgiveness is first and foremost for YOURSELF.

6. Listen to your thoughts and actively choose to condition them to support your goals. Pay attention. Check in before you freak out. Don’t be afraid of what you will find inside yourself because your ultimate power for happiness is within you. By constantly dwelling on negative, self-defeating thoughts, you create a void within yourself. “Nature seeks to fill a void,” so if you are not careful of what you put in, the probability for all kinds of dreadful crap to fill your vessel (people, DIS-eases, misfortunes, etc.) is VERY realistic. Again, develop skills and habits to support you Being Better.

7. Stop whining and move on. It seems that far too many of us are conditioned to be addicted to misery. Too many people spend an enormous amount of time and energy making themselves miserable and when they can’t do that adequately, they look to make others miserable. Misery is the comfort zone for people who fail to brave to Be Better. The best way to make yourself – and others who have to tolerate you miserable is to “beat a dead horse,” as the dreadful expression goes. It is valid to have your feelings, to grieve, and to have your process. However, it is not the goal to make the grieving process your new existence. On this occasion, a little tough love will get straight to the point: grow up, stop whining, take positive action, and move on. Many people are not aware that they are trapped in the misery-making-mode. So, a good way to check if you are is to look in the mirror. Can you smile at yourself and like what you see? If not, do whatever it takes to Be Better. “Take responsibility for the energy you bring.” ~ Dr. Jill Bolt Taylor

8. Learn to enjoy your own company. This is the most important step of all. Without realizing it, many people jump into relationships to avoid feeling lonely and being alone. This fear is generated from a lack of self-validation and self-appreciation. If you don’t like your own company, why should anyone else? Make it a conscious habit to be good to yourself and with yourself.

NOTE: As you Become Better, there is the strong probability that many of the people you thought were part of your support system become tacky in ways that appear to be jealousy. Don’t take this as a personal attack; they are feeling their comfort zones being shaken by you braving to Be Better. You may have to make some tough choices to let them go – which may only be for now. But as you commit to loving and caring for yourself, you will attract people of like minds, like energies, and the ability to love you the way you deserve to be loved! I am living proof that this IS true!


And just in case you’re really dealing with some horrible creatures, being happy and looking fabulous are always the best … justice!

Source: x

6 comments:

  1. thank u for this post. going through this now. and i can really identify with this and i'm getting better and stronger along the way. only you yourself can make yourelf happy :) and now i believe in that

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  2. I don't know what happened to you, or what you're going through, but if you did something wrong in your relationship, you can still fight for it. Put in all the effort that you can, even if you relapse(And you WILL relapse), keep going at it and don't give up if you love this guy. I really like you as a person, been following your blog since you're 15. Couple counseling may sound ridiculous, but trust me, this shit works. Or the same problems will arise with the next person, anyway. I live with a few mental disorders and can relate to many things that you've talked about on your blog before. I've experienced quite a few losses but I've finally learnt from it and improved. Don't lose the guy that you love. Show him how sincere you are in trying to fix your relationship. Ask him out, do SOMETHING before he's lost. Also, all this is assuming that I guessed rightly what happened between you two. So ignore this if he's the one who did you wrong. Either way, I'll pray for you. All the best.

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  3. hey tammy,

    rly love this post from you. and just happened to have some major problems w my bf of 5yrs. it's rly not easy to move on that easily. but, this post definitely helps to motivates me a little and a constant reminder to self to love myself a little more.

    And hope ur doing great too! (:
    Cheers

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  4. You've no idea how much I relate to you right now. This post was so beneficial. Sometimes, it's good to know that I'm not alone in this, it is quite painful and saddening but it will pass. To you, without the lows, there won't be highs, the rainbow at the end of this all will make it worthwhile. Thank you for sharing this, nonetheless. Much love!

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  5. Very helpful and organised post. I particularly agree with pt 6 & 7. Many a times, when we face a failed relationship, we tend to dwell on the negative aspects and start blaming ourselves and getting too caught up in the negativities of it.

    On a brighter note, us readers will definitely like to see you back on track again. (: Buck up, you look beautiful with your smile!

    ReplyDelete

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