Monday, February 23, 2015

Why not Married?

This year CNY was BORING. I hardly did anything. JUST A LOT OF SLEEPING. Haha.

The big change was that I actually gave out ang paos this year. I decided to just share a lil bit on this topic cus I just feel like it today haha. Many of you must be wondering why since I'm not married yet. Well, because I have a kid, many of my friends and family members treat us like we're a married couple. They call us husband and wife....even our parents? People outside who see Baby E & I together automatically assume I already am so since everyone is like that, I'll just play along lah. Haha. Honestly I see us as a family already so marriage is really just a piece of paper to confirm it...and I suppose to give me more "security". But still, not exactly secured since I witnessed my parents getting divorced after being together for over a decade. So nothing is Forever la...we all just pray for the best but no matter what, we can't control everything. Even the nicest people can kena cheated on leh. Your relationship doesn't have to be failing for your man to cheat...some guys just can't help it. Guys can be so unpredictable. Actually girls too la but more guys do it than girls.... #sexism haha

I have married friends whom lives have changed for the worse after getting married and divorced couples telling me time and again not to rush into it and wait a few more years. With so many "warnings" from them, why would I want to not listen to their advices right. After all they are "experienced". Of course I get a lil bit jealous when I see couples getting proposed to and all their sweet wedding photo shoots la but it's better to not rush into this kinda stuff. Divorce also have to waste money one, it is long and the process can be emotionally draining. Divorced couples tell me it all looked like a fairytale at first but many fairytales turn into a nightmare after a year or so. Even when they least expect it to. For my own parents it took over a decade. Whatever it is, it's life. Most people will go through it. I believe everything is already written so whatever happens, happens for a reason. As much as we want to prevent certain things from happening, sometimes people make mistakes. Either we forgive or let go lor.

"Then wait until when then you want to finally get married?" Hmm, when the time is right I think we both would know? Most probably when I can stop my nonsensical thoughts and stop getting on his nerves (vice versa). Sometimes I still act like a kid. Much better now but still happens. Once we get married means to tolerate each other's shit for life. We can both try to change for the better before getting married. Not so easy to change each other's personality even though we really want to though. Might take years of understanding each other. Like his bad temper and my paranoia. Say and say and promised we will change soooo many times but sometimes suddenly *BAM* it's back. If we really try to and REALLY succeed in either changing ourselves or accepting each other's flaws fo real, IT'S TIME LIAO!!! Some married couples I spoke to said it's really Give and Take. All about compromising. So we need to practice this longer. Act like we are married first lor? Think like a married couple and try our very best to be better people for each other. If really can And we last maybe say another 1-2 years then sign the papers! If not, then bye bye! Sometimes I sound like I'm all strong but if I really go through a break up (choi choi!) I don't know how the heck ill actually handle it also leh. In the past I didn't have a huge responsibility so it's easier to walk away from relationships. I know I'm not ugly and if it really doesn't work out can go out to find new partners. But this is so much more complicated man. I honestly don't even think I'll get into another serious relationship ever (ok la but if next time it happens don't blame me cus I'm OHSOFICKLE after all haha) should my current one fail because if the guy decides to be with me he would feel like he has given up so much for me? Then maybe he will be less tolerant and I think if we quarrel he'd confirm guilt trip me with the whole "I accepted you even though you have a child you should be grateful" all the time. I'd also feel like he won't be able to love E as much as E's real daddy does and I want E to be showered with love equally much if I ever have a new partner. But love cannot be forced one right? So ya lor. This are just like the negative thoughts la, I have heard of different cases but I'm always like that even though I always tell myself to ONLY THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS AND BE POSITIVE ALL THE TIME. Easier said than done.

Still, with all that said, IT IS STILL A DREAM TO WEAR A CHIO WEDDING GOWN! I do hope it happens to me one day. :) like I said, if it's meant to be it'll be.

Oh and one more thing ah, a lot of people think I gave myself the label Single Mother to look powerful and independent. I said I was not getting married but that doesn't mean I don't have a partner. I don't see myself as Single for sure (if not why I still give ang bao and not insist on receiving right?). I have a boyfriend and I do hope we will work out and progress. Then again i also cannot control what they want to write, the media chooses to portray me as a Single Mother which isn't exactly wrong because I am still single in the eyes of the law. So ya Lor...

Anyway reason why I didn't really want post such a post for such a long time (but today feel like because this blog lacks my personal life stories liao...BLAME THE BF who hates that I blog about my life all the time cus I share so much online he thinks it's lame lol and he reeeeally can't wait for the day i retire and shut down all my social media platforms! Another disagreement we have which we always argue about haha) is because a lot of people would disagree with me on this topic but this is just a short update about my life on my blog where I write my thoughts. Maybe only 20% or lesser people would see eye to eye with me on this. There's this image in our minds of how things should be but well, not everything goes the way you want it to go. There are so many different cases in the world and you can't say who's right and who's wrong. Come on, people who take the "right" road and get married once they are knocked up don't all have happily ever after a with the father of their child. Some people who dated for 10 over years don't even end up getting married to that same partner. And another one, some people date for a few months and get married do have a happy marriage and are not on the verge of divorce even after many many years. Not everyone makes the same decisions. What's right for me will not be right for you and what worked for you might not work for me.