Sunday, September 8, 2013

Alone V.S Having Company

After all the partying for 2 months (yes the break up has been that long and I only came to terms with it recently cus I've been living in denial), I realized how much I miss alone time. Sure, all that "fun" did help distract me from the pain I was feeling but there were too many times I had to "fake it" because as mentioned in my previous post, I like to "act strong". Last night i went home and everyone went to party, it was something new and i'm proud of myself because this morning i woke up FRESH!!! :) After this i'm gonna get ready to go to church too. I must always remember despite it all, I AM STILL #BLESSED.

These few days I enjoyed it better being all alone or with the company of "new friends" - those friends who don't really know much about my life cus they aren't active on social media and yeah, I don't talk to them much about my personal issues. It's weird but well, see, when I'm around my closer friends or actually, around most of my friends who do follow my blog/twitter account, they'd care for me. When they care, they show concern by asking if I'm ok if I am too quiet....and stuff life that. And the standard reply? "I'm fine! Really!" in the most convincing way when in actual fact, I'm really not. Then, if they don't ask, because maybe they know I don't really want to talk about it, I'd secretly wonder if they cared for me and it will make me slightly worried if they don't show me that bit of concern. Maybe even start feeling sad about it and feel unloved etc. Then there, another problem in my head. Lol.

Gosh I'm just....really complicated am I? I feel a need to explain this because recently a few people asked me out (closer friends) and I told them I didn't feel like going out but then the following day I went out with friends from another circle who asked me out (i dont think they read my blog or even follow me on Twitter so i doubt they are unaware of my brkup) and im not even that close to them. They must be wondering I think the post will explain why and well I hope they read this. To me there are 3 different type of friends, 1) Friends who are like Family...those i will stick to for the rest of my life 2) Friends i like  hanging out with but can only have small dosages of 3) Friends you party with & hardly see them in Daylight! (Maybe one day i'll do a post on the 3 types of friends i have.......haha.)

But of course, i will need proper company soon, i can't possibly always be all alone and not say a single word to my friends who care. In life i have learnt you must always have a balance to keep your mind stable! So yup sometimes i'm thankful i've been through a lot and have learnt a lot. :)

My recent wordy posts sure allowed the world to see a different side of me huh?