Sunday, September 8, 2013

Alone V.S Having Company

After all the partying for 2 months (yes the break up has been that long and I only came to terms with it recently cus I've been living in denial), I realized how much I miss alone time. Sure, all that "fun" did help distract me from the pain I was feeling but there were too many times I had to "fake it" because as mentioned in my previous post, I like to "act strong". Last night i went home and everyone went to party, it was something new and i'm proud of myself because this morning i woke up FRESH!!! :) After this i'm gonna get ready to go to church too. I must always remember despite it all, I AM STILL #BLESSED.

These few days I enjoyed it better being all alone or with the company of "new friends" - those friends who don't really know much about my life cus they aren't active on social media and yeah, I don't talk to them much about my personal issues. It's weird but well, see, when I'm around my closer friends or actually, around most of my friends who do follow my blog/twitter account, they'd care for me. When they care, they show concern by asking if I'm ok if I am too quiet....and stuff life that. And the standard reply? "I'm fine! Really!" in the most convincing way when in actual fact, I'm really not. Then, if they don't ask, because maybe they know I don't really want to talk about it, I'd secretly wonder if they cared for me and it will make me slightly worried if they don't show me that bit of concern. Maybe even start feeling sad about it and feel unloved etc. Then there, another problem in my head. Lol.

Gosh I'm just....really complicated am I? I feel a need to explain this because recently a few people asked me out (closer friends) and I told them I didn't feel like going out but then the following day I went out with friends from another circle who asked me out (i dont think they read my blog or even follow me on Twitter so i doubt they are unaware of my brkup) and im not even that close to them. They must be wondering I think the post will explain why and well I hope they read this. To me there are 3 different type of friends, 1) Friends who are like Family...those i will stick to for the rest of my life 2) Friends i like  hanging out with but can only have small dosages of 3) Friends you party with & hardly see them in Daylight! (Maybe one day i'll do a post on the 3 types of friends i have.......haha.)

But of course, i will need proper company soon, i can't possibly always be all alone and not say a single word to my friends who care. In life i have learnt you must always have a balance to keep your mind stable! So yup sometimes i'm thankful i've been through a lot and have learnt a lot. :)

My recent wordy posts sure allowed the world to see a different side of me huh?



  1. I can see where you're coming from. I personally have my own method of categorizing friends.

    1. People who will have fun with you, yet be there for you when you are having problems in life. (Best friends/close friends)

    2. People who will have fun with you, but disappear when you have problems in life.

    3. People who will be there for you when you have problems, but other than that, you don't really spend that much time with them.

    4. People who look for you when they need a favour or chat to you when they are bored and need to kill time. (Acquaintances)

    I tend to mostly keep Group 1 in my life, as they deserve 100% of my attention, love and care. Occasionally Group 3, but rarely - I feel that I might be taking advantage of others.

    It's understandable that you might feel like hanging out with certain people on days that you feel down, so don't worry about it too much. A good friend will be really understanding! Cheer up! :)

  2. Hi Tammy, I know you are going through a lot right now but you need to learn to be more secure about yourself as well as your close friends (eg thinking that they are not concerned about you when they don't ask).

    Take care and I hope things will look up for you from here onwards.

  3. Been following your blog and instagram for awhile now. Really like your style and posts! I went through a breakup recently (ok not so recent haha) around December last year but it was a 10yr relationship and it really wasn't easy finding myself back and being alone again. It took me a while but even now I'm working hard everyday not to feel upset and keeping myself positive (sometimes i still do, it's inevitable). I started going to the gym daily and doing things that makes me happy. Just want you to know you are not alone, keep fighting and stay positive! It'll get better :) *hugs*

    xx Amanda S.

  4. Is there no more to salvage the relationship? Personally, I feel that relationships take work. Just like marriage takes work. I think people are complicated beings and for two people to be together, it is kind of a beautiful miracle.

    But we are constantly evolving, changing alongside circumstances and challenges in life. In order to still be together, it takes commitment, it takes effort to constantly try to support, understand, surprise and shower affection.

    I know it is not easy and most people tend to throw in the towel or believe that they can find another and move on. Personally I have a lot of trouble moving on. Maybe I'm too sentimental.

    But somehow I wish everyone would stay true to their commitment for better or worse ... Maybe then there would be less breakups, less divorces ...

    I think if two people love each other, they should try a way to work things out because if we start giving up on love ... What is there really to rely on in life?

  5. i love your wordy posts. makes me feel like im getting to know you better and not as a "fashion blogger" per se. as your loyal reader for 4 years i really hope you'll find happiness eventually :)