Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Expired - Time is Up!

So heartwarming to read all the comments below :') super touched!!! Thank you thank you thank you! I am super happy you girls have enjoyed my posts. FOR YEARS. Damn amazed at how quickly time has passed and how much I've grown. Thanks for growing up and walking through this journey w me. :) I wanna reply to each and every comment but my phone is wonky and my laptop is at my other house lol but anyohow, Thank YOU! I hope u read this.

I was reading Eunice's post and it prompted me to write about this topic which I've been wanting to write about for quite awhile!

Now that I am a mummy to be, I have faced a lot of Change in the past few months!

But first, let me share with you about the changes I faced in the past few years before I talk about what has changed in the last few months.

I look back at how I started my journey as a blogger and my online store and honestly, am proud of what I have achieved. But I get embarassed when I look at the old pictures of myself which got me "popular". Like WHY AND HOW THE HELL DID IT HAPPEN?! LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT I MEAN...



And it is amazing how my blog shop grew so much with images like that...

When I look at it now I'm all like...ewwwww!?!?! Yucks lehhhhhh really! Haha.

Yes the times have changed! Lol. Back then i could get noticed with such terrible make up skill, weird poses, and horrible image quality and editing skills...oh the horror!!! I don't even like my "style"?! Like what was I wearing? IM DAMN "FEELING" LEH. HAHAHA. Totally thought i was the coolest chick in town...the IT girl. LOL. Thanks to you all who made me feel that way la! Hahaha. Why last time y'all like ah??? Now you feel embarassed you were once a "fan" right hahaha :X

I hope I don't come across as arrogant saying this but most people my age who were shopping online at that point of time knew who I was/knew ohsofickle. I was the face of my own brand. I had a different style from most people and because of that I kinda stood out and got noticed more. There were so many good girl bloggers out there and I guess I stood out as I was like the only bad ass one with tattoos and all. There were girls who actually looked up to me to a point some even got the same tattoos as me.

There was no Instagram in those days and nobody really knew how many "followers" someone has to judge their popularity however i knew that was definitely my peak period. I have a lot of people come up to me and they'd tell me about how their poly mates and them followed my life damn closely. So many people were bitching about me, and hey I'll take that as a good thing cus that only happens when you are "relevant". I loved the attention I'll get when I walk into places with people my age.  Haha. Shit I can't believe I'm saying all this but anyway, ya that was back then so now I tell y'all how I felt back then it's ok right? Heh. Of course back then, Xiaxue was still the queen of social media and I was nowhere near her numbers but I have never compared myself to her because we are just too damn different and the only crowd who look up to me are mostly very young girls who were around my age ( the only range I could cater to were only the 14-18 year older than that cus well, just look at the pictures again will you? haha).

As I grew older and more people stepped into the same scene, it got more and more competitive. If you are curious, well let me let you in on this, I was earning so much more money at 17-19 and running an online store was so much easier for me last time compared to now because of the influence i had. I think i was the only blogger who also owned an online store at the same time? The influence I had back then was sooo much stronger and there was not much competition too. It was easy to stand out in both the blogging industry as well as the blogshop industry. Post anything online can get sold out in a jiffy one! When i think about some of the stuff i sold, i'm like "how did i sell 100 of that in the past?!" haha. The more influential you are, the easier to sell things. We all know that! Everything i said was good, people would believe. My pictures and poses were considered the "nicer" than most shops too because well, there were not many "blog shop models". Most of the models were owners of the shop. And most shops choose to cut off the heads to protect their identity. It was soooo different last time man!

 I wished all the competition I faced didn't intimidate me and made me feel like I was not good enough. I wished pretty faces didn't make me feel so ugly I started to feel like I have to do so much self improvement to feel happy and satisfied. Last time I could look "that bad" and felt pretty! The more I changed to "fit in" the worse it got. Despite being better looking as I grew older (I'm being honest, have u seen how I looked back then?!), I lost the influence and the "popularity". The more mature I got, the more boring I was. I started to feel inferior and irrelevant in the scene. I also knew this when more and more people tell me things like "hey I used to follow ur blog!"...key word "used to". It was no longer the "OMG I love ur blog so much!". My readers grew up with me. When people grow up they no longer "idolize" people.

With Instagram around, it was also much easier to get noticed. There were so many good looking girls to follow and one by one, they all started upping their game and going into this full time. More and more people started becoming "influencers" aka "bloggers". Their numbers were growing and catching up with mine super fast. Everytime someone surpassed me in numbers id feel that it's "unfair" cus I've been in this longer than them. I really felt like I was lacking behind and I had to upgrade or be completely irrelevant but the more I tried, the harder I tried, I just couldn't grow anymore. It has been pretty stagnant for me for quite some time already. Sure, blogging and take pictures was something I loved to do but there was also another reason I continued, it was to stay relevant in this industry. Even when I felt tired and sian, and didn't feel like taking pictures, id force myself to because I have to keep updating my social media platforms so I would still be in the scene and be relevant. Other girls were putting in so much effort and had their numbers growing at a super rapid pace, if I stopped posting then I won't grow and soon I'll be way behind. It was a huge fear to no longer be well known.

Then it hit me one day.
(And my pregnancy too made me wake up.)

I decided this is not going to affect me and make me sad anymore. I want to love doing the things I do. I don't want to do it for a stupid reason. I have to change a lot of my priorities. Made me a happier person after doing so too.

I don't want to feel the pressure of staying "up there" anymore. I have reached my Expiry Date. Time is up for me! Got to stop trying to pursue this whole fame thing cus it aint getting anywhere. Time to grow up and get serious with life. FAME IS NOT FOREVER. Blogging is not going to pay the bills till I'm 50? Not for me. I dont think i can earn more $ from it and increase my advertorial fees. If i don't see myself growing anymore as a blogger, it means i am not as influential. How dare i charge higher fees if i cant produce results as good as before right? I was wrong to think the older i get, the more $ i'll earn from blogging. True for a few years. Then it'll be stagnant.

It is time to invest my time and money into better things. Maybe find a proper job. I have enjoyed my peak and now, I will learn to accept that people are going to take my place! The younger generation has so much more potential and they all look 10x better?! Just take a look at the younger generation bloggers like Naomi Neo, PeiShi, Eunice, Mae...the kind of works they produce for their age is amazing. Impressive make up skills, photo editing skills, photography skills, fashion sense, they have everything to make it and they are so much better at it than I am. They also can connect with their readers better because there ain't no age gap. I'm getting "old" and there's no going back in time. I can't connect with the younger generation anymore. I'm going to have to change my priorities and it's not possible to keep up with the youngsters and be as carefree anymore. It was nonetheless, a super good experience I must add! I love my life. I love the ups and downs I've been through. So exciting, so thrilling.

The numbers shouldn't matter to me and affect me as much anymore. I still need my numbers because I blog full time and it makes up 50% of my income but I can't be greedy and I've to accept it and be contented. Of course, i still want to earn $ from blogging for as long as I can but i am mentally prepared for the day nobody wants to engage me anymore. I also am prepared to lower my rates if i ever get so irrelevant and feel like i cannot produce results as good. I am also starting to get out to do more businesses and earn $ elsewhere instead of relying so much on blogging.

I am truly happy for all the bloggers who are getting noticed for their hard work and I hope it pays off for them and they'd enjoy what i enjoyed! With this mentality, I don't feel sad and bitter that they are getting more attention! In the past, I don't think i'd follow and comment on/like people's social media posts in case I gave them "fame". Now, it's totally different! If I like their personality, their pictures, whatever their numbers, I'd be more than glad to shower them with compliments? I feel like a much better person too! Haha.

Not all bloggers will "expire" at the same age though. It depends how long they've been "relevant" and how well they engage with their readers. Some bloggers may be older and still relevant (like Qiu Qiu) but then again, she stepped into the blogging scene and got fame later too. And of course in this industry, there's the reigning queen XX who will always be up there even if age catches up but not everyone can be her. I've seen SO SO SOOOO many people come out of the blogging scene already. Most of those bloggers I followed back then have stopped blogging...or maybe they do blog but I'm honestly not interested in them as I'm more interested in the younger bloggers. Bloggers get outdated one. I am one of them. Haha. But I accept it! I realised the reason why I'm "overtaken" by others and I no longer want to try to change that cus it is too damn tiring, me has better things to work hard for than Instagram followers. If I continue to grow in numbers, good for me! If I don't, I'll swallow the fact and still be happy with my life. Honestly I do know people will still follow me and read my blog. I'm not totally out of the scene yet but i know things will never be like in the past. I no longer aim to be a "top blogger". Months ago, I assumed I could be like XX, blogging for the rest of my life and staying relevant even when I'm in my late Twenties. But I'm only 23 and I already feel like cannot alr! I started at like 15? That's 8 years in the scene already. Doubt I can grow much. I feel that those who used to follow my life closely in the past and have stopped, they won't go back to being interested in "old news". 

I really really am very happy and touched for all the love and support a lot of y'all have showered me with over the years though. Thank you if you've been following me for years and watched me grow up!  :)

I have retired from trying to be a "Scene Kid". Top of my list now is to be a good mummy to Baby Elroy! Also, because of my baby, I have to change my blogging style. Which means I'll have a different crowd following me in future. The topics I discuss about etc. Gone are the days I talk about cheating exes and trashing others! Haha.